My feet felt like slabs of concrete and as my body shivered, the thought of a hot shower and a bed to collapse into taunted me like the sirens in Greek maritime lore. As I passed the mile 20 marker, a bed of green grass poked through the Philadelphia snow and I thought how convenient that it happened to be the perfect size for my 6'2" frame to lay down for a nap.
I could lay down right and drift off. I could end the pain, I thought.
I looked over to my left and nodded to Rich, the guy I've been training with for months to get us ready for the Philadelphia Marathon. I puffed up my chest and forced a smile and as he continued to run I did too, shadowing his movements pretending like I wasn't struggling. Inwardly, however, I wanted to quit.
It was November. It was freezing cold. I was tired.
Step by step like a pendulum I bounced on and turned inward for empowerment, repeating my positive mantra meditation, and in what now seems like just a few minutes late, Rich and I celebrated our victory with a warm pretzel, chicken broth, and, in the kind of celebration that screams irony at an event that celebrates fitness, we drank beer. Delicious, sugary, glutenous, chest bumping beer.
The other day as I sat down to write I stared at a blank screen, the cursor taunting me like Medusa's eyes. Frozen in stone, my fingers just hovered over the keyboard. Eventually, I closed up my laptop and said to myself that tomorrow is a new day.
A few hours later, one of those tiny miracles that peeks out just when you need it happened. There, at the top of my email box rested a beautiful message which explained how my writing and positive message has helped her through a very difficult time.
As I read through the email, I felt like on cloud nine. Then, insecurity reared its all too common head: "My writing!? You mean someone actually reads my stuff?"
That email brought me to tears, much like an earlier email from a former student had explained that my positivity as her teacher had kept her on the positive when secretly at home she had considered suicide.
So I returned to that blank screen motivated to write. I opened up my laptop again and words poured out of me like a spring of water.
This wasn't the first time a tiny miracle motivated me to push through a creative block. It seems that every time I personally struggle to create something myself, something comes my way that says "HELLO....DUDE...YOU NEED TO CREATE MORE OF THIS AND THAT... YOUR WORK IS IMPORTANT"
When I struggle to create something, I've learned that a simple desire to turn an idea into a creation isn't enough to be consistent. To continue to move forward, I pull from multiple strings of accountability which I learned from my days of endurance racing and coaching.
Five Accountability Strings to Pull You Up When You Want to Quit
1. Motivation From The Inside
Some days (not that many to be completely honest) I just feel super inspired and get out of bed, ready to rock and roll and create something. Other days, I force myself to sit in meditation and after twenty minutes of mindful meditation following by repeating positive affirmations, I feel inspired to create.
2. Motivation From The Outside
Some days, I will read an email like the one I shared above that will motivate me. Other days, I know my wife, Kaitlyn, and I will be having dinner where we'll share our stories of what we created that day. I want to show up for that conversation with something, mainly because she always shows up and I'm always inspired by her creative genius.
Other days, I will need my accountability partners.
Each week I talk to two accountability partners who each ask me about what I created that week and what I plan on creating the next week. Knowing that these two people are counting on me help turn on the creator inside.
3. Progress is Better Than Perfect (Just Ship It)
I have always believed that done is better than perfect. Otherwise, the perfectionist will always tell me it's not good enough to share. Or the lizard brain, as Seth Godin calls it, will creep in and tell me my work is crap and no one wants to read it.
But if I never took a first step I never would have ran a marathon.
4. The Perks of Being a Student
When I'm learning something that inspires me, I churn the creative engine faster. Right now, for instance, as I go through yoga teacher training I am once again humbled and excited to create. Humbled because I realize how much I need to learn and excited because there is so much to learn. When we're learning, we're growing, and when we're growing we push through to create something newly remarkable.
Just make sure to choose the right teacher that motivates you. My yoga teachers are extremely dedicated to their craft and every week they come to the studio excited to share something that they are personally working on along with a lesson they've learned through their years of experience. Their expertise weaved together with their own humble trials help motivate me.
5. Build Yourself Up With Empowering People
I once hired a high-profile ( i.e. ridiculously super expensive) book editor who was really helpful...at making me feel like a terrible writer. Yes, we all need to be open to criticism (I certainly learned that through my brief stint as an actor). It takes many critical eyes to create something of perfection, but it equally requires a lot of people to help cheer you on.
Like the marathon, for instance, just imagine how many people would never ever finish the marathon if there wasn't a giant crowd cheering them on as they ran. I can tell you from personal experience, endurance racing is a heck of a lot harder when there isn't a giant crowd cheering to propel you forward.
Build a crowd of encouragement through the friends that you choose, the accountability partners you pick, and the places you choose to spend your time.
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Most importantly, to push through a creative barrier we need a bit of trust in ourselves knowing that whatever the marathon is, it all begins with one step. As Van Gogh put it, "If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced."